{"headlines":[{"title":"Wilcox wants Howe if Carrick sacked; Hürzeler has ‘no time’ for United rumours; Dortmund fight the influencers: football – live","banter":"“Oi, did ya hear? Wilcox wants Howe if Carrick gets the boot! No wonder Hürzeler's too busy—he's dodging more rumors than a bloke dodging a round! And Dortmund fighting influencers? Mate, they might as well start a square go with TikTok!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/live/2026/oct/23/manchester-united-latest-european-reaction-and-more-football-news-live"},{"title":"Slegers and misfiring Arsenal badly need a result in WSL north London derby","banter":"“Arsenal need a result in the Derby like I need another pint—desperate and about as likely to happen, mate! Slegers better bring the magic or they’ll be the only ones misfiring tonight!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/arsenal-women-renee-slegers-tottenham-north-london-derby-womens-super-league"},{"title":"Chaotic state of football in Brazil epitomises a nation where greed has conquered glory | Jonathan Liew","banter":"\"Football in Brazil's a right laugh, innit? It’s gone from the samba to a cash grab—who needs glory when you can line your pockets with greed? Bring on the next carnival of chaos, lads!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/chaotic-football-brazil-politics-election-flavio-bolsonaro-lula"},{"title":"Is el clásico still the world’s biggest match? Three questions before Barcelona v Real Madrid","banter":"\"Is El Clásico still the world's biggest match? Blimey, mate, only if you count watching 22 blokes kick a bag of air while I down my 15th pint! Let’s just hope one of ‘em falls over like my last night out!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/el-clasico-real-madrid-barcelona-lamine-yamal-kylian-mbappe"},{"title":"Pascal Gross: the obsessive runner keeping Brighton ‘one step ahead’ after fast start","banter":"\"Oi! Look at Pascal Gross, right? The bloke runs more than my missus when I hide the remote! Brighton’s ahead 'cause he's lapping the rest of 'em like it’s a bloody marathon!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/fabian-gross-obsessive-runner-brighton-one-step-ahead"},{"title":"Asian Football Confederation backs Gianni Infantino in U-turn on Fifa presidency","banter":"\"Ah, the AFC’s backing Infantino now—guess they finally realized flipping the script's just another way to score points in the FIFA soap opera! Next, they'll be singing his praises like he's some bloody rock star, eh?\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/asian-football-confederation-backs-gianni-infantino-u-turn-fifa-president"},{"title":"Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend","banter":"\"Oi, mate! Ten things to look out for this weekend? Just give me one! I’m only here for the beer and the inevitable VAR meltdown!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/23/premier-league-10-things-to-look-out-for-this-weekend"},{"title":"Bournemouth enjoy night to remember as 10-man Milan fail to weather storm","banter":"\"Well, look who had a right knees-up—Bournemouth had a night to remember while 10-man Milan were wetter than a dodgy pint at half-time! Didn't even bring their umbrellas, the mugs!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/22/bournemouth-milan-europa-league-match-report"},{"title":"Bruno Guimarães had sleepless nights before Newcastle exit but hopes for same ‘love’ at Arsenal","banter":"\"Ah, poor Bruno couldn't sleep a wink worrying about leaving Newcastle! But don't worry, mate, Arsenal's got all the 'love' he needs—right between their last place and the bottom of the league!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/22/bruno-guimaraes-had-sleepless-nights-before-newcastle-exit-but-hopes-for-same-love-at-arsenal"},{"title":"Cathinka Tandberg: ‘Spurs fans hate Arsenal. That’s how it is’","banter":"\"Aye, Cathinka! Spurs fans hating Arsenal is like saying fish hate chips—it's just in our DNA, innit? Can't be fish and chips without a little grease, right?\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/22/cathinka-tandberg-interview-tottenham-arsenal-rivalry-moving-the-goalposts-you-now"}]}