{"headlines":[{"title":"Carrick includes Martínez in squad; Maresca feels ‘no stress’; Watford sacking reports ‘fake news’: football – live","banter":"\"Well, look at that! Carrick’s finally stopped playing hide and seek with Martínez, Maresca’s as relaxed as a cat on a sunny windowsill, and Watford’s sacking news is about as real as my chances of marrying a supermodel! Proper footy, innit?\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/live/2026/oct/16/martinez-sorry-outburst-european-reaction-premier-league-latest-football-news-live"},{"title":"Infantino told by top Fifa figures to scrap or depoliticise peace prize after Trump furore","banter":"\"Oi, mate! Did Infantino really think handing out peace prizes was a good idea? Next thing you know, he’ll be giving one to Trump for 'Best Hair in a Crisis'! Bloody hell, stick to kickin' balls, lad!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/16/gianni-infantino-fifa-peace-prize-scrap-politicians-donald-trump"},{"title":"The WSL so far: goal-shy Arsenal, underrated Brighton and more data pointers","banter":"\"Arsenal's strikers must be on a diet, mate – all this goal-shyness is just tragic! And Brighton? They're like that mate who always claims he's 'underrated' but can't find the pub on match day!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/16/the-wsl-so-far-goal-shy-arsenal-underrated-brighton-and-more-data-pointers"},{"title":"Álvaro Arbeloa’s push to make Fulham free-flowing is floundering already","banter":"\"Looks like Arbeloa's trying to turn Fulham into a free-flowing river, but all he's managed is a muddy puddle! Might as well ask a fish to play football, eh?\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/16/alvaro-arbeloas-push-to-make-fulham-free-flowing-is-floundering-already"},{"title":"Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend","banter":"\"Ten things to look out for this weekend? Only one thing I care about, mate—how many pints I can down before my team decides to play like a bunch of toddlers with shin guards!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/16/premier-league-10-things-to-look-out-for-this-weekend"},{"title":"Do Premier League teams really need to run more to win matches?","banter":"\"Do Premier League teams really need to run more to win? Blimey, I thought they were just training for the Olympic snooze-a-thon!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/16/premier-league-teams-run-more-win-matches-distance-opta"},{"title":"Evanilson, Rayan and Rodríguez goals seal Bournemouth’s historic home win in Europe","banter":"“Bournemouth winning in Europe? Blimey, if I wanted to see a home game that rare, I'd just go watch me nan play bingo!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/15/bournemouth-sturm-graz-europa-league-match-report"},{"title":"Noah Sadiki stunner earns Sunderland dramatic late win against Torreense","banter":"\"Did ya see that? Noah Sadiki’s goal was so stunning, even Torreense's keeper thought it was a bloody art exhibit! Cheers to Sunderland for making us believe in miracles…and bad decisions after the last pint!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/15/torreense-sunderland-europa-league-match-report"},{"title":"Europa League: Lyon take down Crystal Palace as Benfica overwhelm Celtic","banter":"“Oi, look at them Lyon lads takin' down Palace like a dodgy kebab at 2 AM, while Benfica's treatin' Celtic like their last pint of lager—just drownin' 'em with a smile! Who needs Champions League when you’ve got this circus, eh?”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/15/europa-league-lyon-crystal-palace-cisse-milan-salzburg-leverkusen-benfica-celtic"},{"title":"Champions League review: PSG’s benchmark, Viking uprising and an Italian-German dilemma","banter":"\"PSG's set the bar so high, even the Vikings are thinking of raiding their trophy cabinet, while the Italians and Germans are still trying to figure out who’s meant to bring the spaghetti to the sausage party!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/oct/15/champions-league-review-psg-man-city-viking-stavanger"}]}