{"headlines":[{"title":"Premier League: 10 things to look out for this weekend","banter":"\"Oy, 10 things to look out for this weekend? I can name two: my pint spilling and the ref getting it wrong, again! That's enough excitement for me, innit!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/06/premier-league-10-things-to-look-out-for-this-weekend"},{"title":"‘In moments of pain, football comes together’: Spain says goodbye to Jesús de Miguel","banter":"\"Aw, bless 'em! Spain’s having a right sob over Jesús de Miguel, aren’t they? Football brings ‘em together like a bunch of mates crying into their pints after another dodgy ref decision! Let’s raise a glass to him—at least he’s missed a world cup of football over it!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/jesus-de-miguel-death-tenerife-funeral-football-spain"},{"title":"Kamada’s late leveller rescues point for 10-man Crystal Palace and denies Hoffenheim","banter":"\"Oi, did you see that? Kamada’s last-minute goal saved Palace from lookin' like proper muppets! That’s the only rescue mission those ten blokes are pullin' off tonight!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/kamadas-late-leveller-rescues-point-for-10-man-crystal-palace-and-denies-hoffenheim"},{"title":"Europa League: Sunderland lose at home to Zagreb while Celtic enjoy first win","banter":"“Oi, Sunderland must’ve thought Zagreb was a pub quiz and they forgot their answers! Meanwhile, Celtic’s more up for a pint than a fight, finally got a win – must’ve found the right barmaid!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/europa-league-roundup-sparta-prague-bournemouth-ferencvaros-milanstay-perfect-while-milan-sunderland-dinamo-zagreb"},{"title":"Cristiano Ronaldo merely the latest example of a great player who couldn’t let go | Jonathan Wilson","banter":"\"Oi, mate! Ronaldo’s like that geezer at the pub who finishes his pint, stumbles around for another, and thinks he can still neck it like he’s 20! Let it go, you old fossil!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/cristiano-ronaldo-retires-international-football-career-portugal"},{"title":"Scott Parker’s dramatic West Ham return leaves him struggling for words","banter":"\"Scott Parker's back at West Ham, and it looks like the only thing he's struggling to find is a decent excuse for putting up with this shower! Bloke’s so lost for words, he must think he’s been parachuted into a poetry reading instead of a footie match!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/scott-parkers-dramatic-west-ham-return-leaves-him-struggling-for-words"},{"title":"Fifa wants talks over restricting women’s Olympic football to under-23s","banter":"\"Aw, brilliant idea, innit? Let’s just keep the women’s game as thrilling as a Sunday morning darts match – under-23s only! Next they'll be suggesting we let 'em play in flip-flops and swimming trunks!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/fifa-wants-womens-olympic-football-under-23s"},{"title":"Japan FA’s Kozo Tashima to stand against Infantino for Fifa presidency","banter":"“Oi, Kozo Tashima’s goin’ for the FIFA throne, eh? Must be lookin' to turn Blatter's old circus into a sushi bar! Let’s hope he brings more flair than Infantino—mate’s got all the charm of a wet sock!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/japan-fa-head-kozo-tashima-stand-against-gianni-infantino-for-fifa-president"},{"title":"Referee hands out record 53 red cards after chaos at under-20s game in Brazil","banter":"“53 red cards at an under-20s match in Brazil? Blimey, it's like a card game down the pub – looks like the ref's out to collect for his next round!”","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/record-53-red-cards-brazil-referee"},{"title":"The international break is almost here: so wave goodbye to your players, and maybe your manager | Max Rushden","banter":"\"Ah, the international break's nearly here! Time to say ta-ta to our best players and maybe our bloody manager too—great, just what we needed, more time for 'tactics' at the pub!\"","link":"https://www.theguardian.com/football/2026/nov/05/the-international-break-is-almost-here-so-wave-goodbye-to-your-players-and-maybe-your-manager"}]}